What is Premarital Counseling?
For most couples, getting engaged and planning the wedding is an incredibly exciting time - and for good reason! This step in your relationship signifies commitment, love, and a shared and meaningful future. However, for many couples the excitement of getting married can also bring up concerns or fears like…
Is this really the person I’m meant to be with forever?
Do we have what it takes?
Will our current disagreements amplify over time?
Will we live up to my parent’s marriage?
Will we fall victim to the same challenges, unhappiness or fate of my parent’s marriage?
With over half of marriages within the United States ending in divorce, these are valid questions to consider. If so many marriages all begin with the same feelings of hope, commitment and love, how is it that over half of these relationships fall short of what they are intended to be?
This question brings us back to the topic of Premarital Counseling. In this blog post, I’m going to share with you what premarital counseling is, who should do it, what topics are discussed, and how it can help your relationship.
What is Premarital Counseling?
Premarital Counseling is couples therapy for pre-engaged or engaged couples facilitated by a licensed counselor or therapist. Premarital counseling is typically brief, usually lasting on average 6 to 8 sessions. The goals of premarital counseling are improving communication and understanding around topics that are often relevant for most married couples (we’ll talk about these topics a bit later on). While premarital counseling can and will address current challenges or areas of growth, much of the discussion is centered around preventing issues later on and growing as a couple. This may be achieved through exercises, marriage education and creating a respectful and honest dialogue in sessions.
Who should do premarital counseling?
Disagreements, conflict, and challenges are inevitable and expected in even the most healthy and happy relationships. When you pair together two separate people with their own unique personalities, fears, insecurities, goals, and past experiences, it is normal to experience difficulties in a long-term relationship. In fact, these challenges can often be a source of growth and resilience in your relationship if handled in a healthy manner. For this reason, premarital counseling can benefit all couples!
Premarital counseling is particularly ideal and effective for motivated couples who want to set a strong foundation for their marriage. For couples who have experienced past abuse, affairs, or trauma, premarital counseling may not be the best fit and individual or regular couples therapy may be more appropriate to cover issues at a more in-depth level.
What topics are discussed in premarital counseling?
Premarital counseling will be tailored to the unique needs, strengths, and growth areas of each couple. However, in general, the following topics are frequently discussed:
Communication
Conflict Resolution
Personality Differences
Roles & Responsibilities
Relationships with Family and Friends
Leisure & Dating
Sex & Intimacy
Finances
Spirituality
Wedding Stress
Parenting or Family Planning
Each couple is given the option to take a comprehensive online relationship assessment prior to the first premarital counseling session in order to efficiently identify their unique strengths and growth areas. This allows the therapist to focus on and prioritize the most beneficial topics for each unique couple.
How Premarital Counseling Can Help Your Relationship:
Anyone who has experienced relationship challenges or conflict, knows the feelings of fear, hurt, overwhelm, disappointment, anger, or insecurities that can arise as a result. While challenges are expected in a long-term relationship, when they are avoided, unresolved, or create frequent conflict in a relationship these issues have the potential to create resentment, disconnection, and possibly even dissolution in the marriage. Continued relationship distress even has the potential to negatively impact our individual mental, emotional, and physical health.
Premarital Counseling is a proactive step and investment in the health of your marriage. By engaging in relationship education, meaningful conversations, and practicing positive relationship skills, you gain the confidence, skills and mentality necessary to thrive in marriage. Healthy and happy marriages don’t just happen naturally. They are intentional, action-oriented, and resilient.