Exploring Your Strengths & Growth Areas as a Couple

What are the strengths in your relationship? What are your growth areas?

Have you talked about these with your partner? Notice I used the term growth areas instead of weaknesses? There is a reason for that. I think the term weakness infers something is wrong with the relationship. When in reality, all couples have challenges, and it’s time we normalize that. Perfect couples don’t exist despite what you may see on social media. By using the term growth areas, we acknowledge there is a challenge that exists and also that it’s something that can be worked on and improved.

Maybe in your parents relationship, you witnessed them excelling when it came to their financial security and savings, but when it came to conflict resolution, you felt like everything was just swept under the rug and not talked about. For your relationship maybe you are really strong when it comes to sex/intimacy, but when it comes to communicating effectively and resolving conflict, you struggle. These are just a couple examples of how both strengths and growth areas can exist within a relationship.

Challenges aren’t easy to talk about, but we still should…

I get it. It’s not fun or enjoyable to talk about the challenges in your relationship. Or, maybe you talk about the problems in your relationship too often, without also acknowledging how you can work to improve them (you’re only offering problems and no solutions). However, the truth is that talking about the challenges in your relationship actually has the power to increase your understanding, awareness, and even intimacy. Healthy conflict and challenges can actually be a great source of growth in the relationship, especially if you’re motivated to make meaningful changes that improve your dynamics.

Healthy Exploration of Growth Areas Looks Like:

• Respectful language and communication

• Regulating your emotions as you discuss (or take a break when needed)

• Focusing on how the challenges make you feel without blaming your partner

• Awareness and accountability for how you may be negatively impacting the issue

• Listening to your partner in order to better understand their perspective, not just listening to reply or argue for your point of view

• Talking about the challenges, but also offering solutions of what it would look like to improve the issue

Unhealthy Exploration of Growth Areas Looks Like:

• Language that involves expletives, insults, or disrespectful body language (eye rolling)

• Allowing your emotions to flood you and the conversation, preventing listening or effective communication

• Not taking ownership of your feelings and your experience and instead placing all blame on your partner

• Defensiveness while communicating and invalidating your partner’s feelings/experience

• Becoming overly negative and only focusing on the problems

Highlighting Your Strengths Is Just as Important

For some couples, it’s easy to forget about what is going right. Or, if you’ve been together for a long time, it’s very easy to forget what was going right earlier in the relationship. When couples do this, we call it negative sentiment override - when couples become so entangled in the negatives that they lose sight of what is actually going well.

In the past when I’ve worked with couples who were hostile or in negative sentiment override mode, I often like asking the questions - how did you first meet? what initially attracted you to your partner? how did you decide you wanted to marry them? Often times, even for the most hostile couple, these questions remind them of a time/experience they haven’t mentally/emotionally re-visted in quite some time. This is the importance of acknowledging your strengths, reinforcing them, and celebrating them often. The longer you are together, the easier it can be to forget or take for granted the way your partner makes your coffee in the morning, the way you successfully run your household together, the way your partner makes you laugh, or the way they make you feel secure or safe. Your strength areas can be a supportive resource in your relationship if you maintain them and keep them front of mind.

Not sure what your strengths & growth areas are? Take the Prepare-Enrich Assessment

Sometimes strengths and growth areas can feel a bit abstract. It can be hard to objectively identify broad areas of your relationship that are going well or that are struggling. If this sounds like you and your partner, I have a resource for you in the form of an online relationship assessment that only takes 30-45 minutes to complete.

The Prepare-Enrich Assessment is the #1 premarital and marriage assessment for the last 40 years. The assessment is highly researched and effective at providing relationship data that increases awareness, identifies your strengths & growth areas, reduces risk for divorce, and enhances relationship skills.

The assessment breaks the strengths and growth areas down into categories based on what you and your partner reported in each of your assessments. Categories include:

• Communication

• Conflict Resolution

• Stressors

• Financial Management

• Leisure Activities (dating)

• Sex & Affection

• Relationship Roles

• Spiritual Beliefs

• Marriage Expectations

• Children and Parenting

As a Certified Prepare-Enrich Facilitator in the state of Florida, I enjoy offering this resource as a starting point to our work together when I do counseling with couples. It can be a great resource if you are unsure how to identify your strengths and growth areas.

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At Marital Mindset Counseling, we believe healthy relationships are a source of strength, connection, and meaning in our lives. Our goal is to better prepare couples for marriage and set a positive foundation and relationship model for generations to come.

As a marriage and family therapist, I offer premarital and marriage counseling to couples in the state of Florida, both virtually and in person. If you want to explore if we’re a good fit for each other, I offer free 15 minute phone consultations as well.